I am flammable, part one.

For some reason, I get set on fire more often than everyone else. Or maybe other people get set on fire too, but they just don't talk about it. Is there some getting-set-on-fire taboo that I don't know about? Never fear, you don't need to be ashamed anymore! It's ok to admit that you got set on fire. Let it all out....


Once upon a time I was talking with some friends at school, when everyone started attacking me.

 Turns out that some boys had snuck up behind me and set fire to my hair.

About half of that section of hair was gone. As someone who freaks out every time they get a few cms cut off their hair (OH MY GOD IT'S SO SHORT! PANIC!!! WHERE DID IT ALL GO? NOOOOOOOOO!) this felt like the end of the world.

I spent the rest of lunchtime sulking because how could anyone love me now that I was a hideous half burnt beast?

Lunchtime finished, and I sulked my way to the last class of the day. This class was one of my favourites, as I usually spent the whole time gossiping with friends.

 As soon as I sat down, my friends got up and moved. I thought that maybe they didn't want to be my friend anymore, since I was now deformed and ugly. After a few minutes of pondering which brand of cat food I would buy for my 27 cats when I inevitably turned into a lonely cat lady (because nobody could ever love someone with half their hair burnt off) it dawned on me that everyone was avoiding me because I smelled. Like burnt hair. Have you ever smelt burnt hair? I can't even think of words to describe how terrible it is. Like death rolled around in poo and rotten eggs.

I don't think that even 27 cats wouldn't love me if I smelled that bad.


Wow, this took way longer than I expected. Stay tuned for part two and three, whenever I can be bothered doing this again!